Me: Human and Yet Redeemed Spirit

"Behold, You desire truth in my inner most being, and in the hidden part You shall make me to know wisdom," Psalm 51:6.

“For we preach not ourselves, but Christ Jesus our Lord, and ourselves as your servants for Christ’s sake. For God who commanded the light to shine out of darkness, has shined in our hearts, to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God, in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us,” II Corinthians 4:5-7.

"Not that we are sufficient of our selves to think anything as of our selves, but our sufficiency is of God" II Corinthians 3:5.

I am seeing how God is waking me up to being connected with my ‘self.’ I am both human and spirit. By faith, my spirit has been born again with His Spirit, life eternal, righteous and perfect. But my humanity is weak.

Growing up in the Christian environment that I did, I know I was disconnected from ME. Life was "praising God" no matter what the circumstances were. It was almost a denial of my humanity. There was no emphasis on emotions -- of fear, anger, confusion, etc. There was not honest, openness or realness to conversation. It was all about what we should be feeling or doing, being ‘like Christ.’ Just believe.

Yes, I agree, FAITH is our salvation and is key to our daily walk.

But taking an honest look at the Scriptures, I see the HUMANITY of the Bible characters in plain sight. Jacob, the Samaritan woman, the adulterous woman, Rahab, David, Sampson, Solomon -- broken men and women, yet used despite their brokenness -- chosen so that no flesh could glory in His presence. It is to show that anything good and right that comes from us is ALL ABOUT GOD.

So, if we are performing, trying to attain to some standard of righteousness (what I have been taught all my life in church) -- then what people see is me and my self righteousness. But if people see the real me -- my true struggle with my own humanity -- and yet, they still see God in me – then God can get the glory.

It is ALL about God.

Who am I trying to kid? In my flesh dwells no good thing.

So, I realize that living an authentic and honest and real life is actually healthy. True. It shows that Jesus alone is my redeemer. His righteousness alone is my salvation.

I may be unsettled about my sexuality -- and who knows how God is using this to humble me and break me. I do know this, it is this humility that He seeks in His children. It is for us to say to Him, "Jesus, I am blind, give me Your sight."

"God, my righteousness is filthy rags, I need your white linen righteousness!"

The Pharisee was self righteous, the publican was broken and cried out for mercy. We know who was justified. Luke 18

I think we need to be connected both to our humanity and to the Spirit of God within us. Both are who we are. And it is in our honest communication with each other -- CONFESSING OUR FAULTS ONE TO ANOTHER -- therein we are healed. James 5:16

I think the American Christian church is teaching us to be something God never intended us to be like. FAKE. Performance oriented. No, the New Covenant of grace and mercy says --- we are chosen by His mercy and declared righteous by HIS OWN WORK, and it is in His righteousness that we REST. Regardless of my humanity, my bent toward lesbianism, food, etc. etc... I am His daughter, chosen!

I seek to live a connected life -- authentic so that the World can identify with me -- and desire the LIGHT within me. And since I have been redeemed and have the Living Water flowing in me, I can’t help but love Christ in return and thus love others with that agape love. Thus the motivation to serve, to live rightly is unselfish love. It is not to perform for position or for recognition or for approval or for acceptance!

Christ’s spirit dwells IN us, but we understand His love and connectedness through our selfless loving interaction with His body.